Words and Voices: “mauerbauertraurigkeit – a black rose”

Words and Voices: “mauerbauertraurigkeit – a black rose”

don’t come too close to me,
don’t. not a step closer.
i promise it will hurt. i will hurt you.

the thorns protruding out of my skin,
they will tear your soul,
into a mesh with a thousand microscopic holes,
the reminders of the thousand different ways
i’d’ve hurt you and the whole of your existence,
the agony of it invisible to their naked sharp eyes.

the knife, that i ritually perfect the cut on my face with,
that smile my eccedentesiast self carries,
it will gore your heart,
it will puncture your windpipe.
and the grim crimson that then gushes out of your mouth,
the blood that you puke out,
it will sublime as soon as it fountains down onto the blade,
and touches the cold, cold metal
and a heavy pink fog, the vapours, will all surround us,
thick, suffocating you and me, all the same.
(and believe me when i tell you that it’s the tool
god used when he carved my heart out of the ice-rocks)

so don’t. don’t move.

and you aren’t the first one, no, don’t be mistaken.
these rose-red walls that you see,
(that you are trying to climb over into me,
utterly oblivious of the futility of your attempt)
they are nothing but the sad mementoes,
the souvenirs your predecessors bled.

this castle, it protects me,
it protects you my dear,
and everyone else who had the misfortune
of falling in love with the infinite array of masks i wear,
everyone who was cursed with my (apparent) love in return.
it shields me, from the pain of hurting,
murdering the innocence of anyone who comes too close.

so don’t. i plead again.
don’t come too close to me.
stop right there and not a step further.

take not a step further.

do you remember when you asked me, if something has changed,
if i don’t love you anymore.
i do, i love you, you fool. I still do. will, always.
but you’ve come way too in,
the spies that hide under my waters,
you’ve started to notice them.
your breeze is starting to unveil the shadows of my insecurities.
and i know…no don’t say a word, you won’t convince me…i know the horror you see will scare you.
you’ll run away.
and i can’t let that happen.

what if the fire in your heart melts mine.
what if i get attached, so much,
that when it’s time that you leave,
which i’m sure will come,
i’m just torn apart into a thousand pieces.
i can’t let you any closer,
it’s more than what i could allow.
so don’t come any closer,
take not a step further,
and please step back.
i think it’s time you left,
it’s time.

so don’t close in on me. you’re suffocating me, take a step back.

because if you stay any longer,
i promise you it’ll hurt.
leave me alone.
you’re better off without me,
and i, you.
this chrysalis comforts me the most,
i choose to run away,
i’m a coward for all that you have to say
but it’s so much easier without me having to care,
without me having to worry,
without me having to love,
without me having to hate,
without me having to do anything.
this solitude, it is made of nothingness,
and when i come to think upon it,
I love this more than you,
i’m selfish for all that you have to say,
so my dear,
start moving away,
because it’s time.

because when it’s done,
and your eyes, open wide,
your large iris raven-black,
stare blankly into the darkness,
wondering what you did so odiously wrong,
i can only wonder how much those heinous birds
will like to pick at those orbs,
when they see their reflection, plain death,
staring back at them, so clear,
as they voraciously devour the luscious jade soup
out of the hollows in your head,
after it is all over!

i don’t want to hurt you,
for all that matters, i still love you,
but i don’t have the strength,
one black rose is enough for me to take care of,
i can’t handle two,
it’s easier to just crush the life out of it,
so just stop,
stop right there,
stop coming any closer,
and start moving away…