The Day When I Realised Reality is Not My Enemy has been edited by Aashna Kanuga.
We always say that nights are the most serene. My friends find it so peaceful that they study just at night. Others love to roam in and around the city then. However, I do not speak when they talk about the night, because I am afraid of it.
I have been suffering from insomnia since the last few days. Whenever I try to sleep, I have dreams that depict the half truth of my life. Suddenly, I wake up, sweating. I have a glass of water and check my blackberry. No messages.
I feel alone, because it is 3 AM, and I have no one to talk to. Scared because my thoughts haunt me. I go to the terrace and sit there for a while wondering what I am doing with my life. And reality hits me. Hard.
Life at 3 AM questions me. Have you become so reserved that you have no one to talk to when you really need it? You crave for love, but do you love yourself? You say you do not want respect, but when you get it, why does it feel so good? Why does it soothe your ego? If night time is as peaceful as they say, why is it that this is exactly when chaos hits me?
It feels like someone is holding me. Stopping me from running away from reality. Why do I need to hold on? Like every human, I need an escape from reality too. But I have no other option. I will have to face reality.
The very next day I kept an alarm for 3 o’clock intentionally. However, it did not really matter, because I was awake the whole night staring at my watch. As always reality has a habit of arriving 5 minutes early. I waved like I am just waiting for its arrival and for a change this time I was not afraid.
I went to my terrace again. But this time, I was not sweating. Reality told me, “I am not your enemy. I just want you to realise certain things that are important. It is said that you have to let go of certain things in order to be happy. What you are expecting from me or your life is not wrong, but if things were that simple then there will not be any difference between your life and a fairy tale. I am here to teach you how to live and find a drop of happiness in this ocean of sadness. I am not here to scare you, but to force you to face the truth.”
“You are religiously involved in finding the answers to your questions. There is nothing wrong with it, but do not be so hard on yourself. At times there is an easy way out. You just need to find it. I do feel bad when you crave for the love you deserve. However, you have to accept that the kind of love you demand is very rare. There will come a time in your life when you will be tired of demanding. And that time has arrived.
You face sleepless nights because of your expectations, and your definitions of ideal men and principles. This is why I come to you every night. I had no other option because the dreams in which you were living would have ruined you.”
To be continued…
To read more by the author of The Day When I Realised Reality is Not My Enemy, click here.