What Does Chaos Look Like? has been edited by Abha Mehra.
- complete disorder and confusion.
Chaos. It is the amount of unwanted noise or, more appropriately, the disturbance that we come across in our daily lives. Have we ever thought about what chaos looks like? Have we ever tried to observe and interpret it?
The answer to these questions will be a big, resounding no. However, have you ever tried to figure out why do we not interpret it? In my opinion, the only reason is that we fear to identify chaos. We are afraid to acknowledge the struggles of people around us and scared of living our lives. And clearly, we fear the consequences of the future. But, what is it that causes that fear?
But, what is it that causes that fear?
The only thing that we fear is a failure. We tend to associate failure with every incident of our life. Somehow, we manage to associate the failure of not living with each and every decision we make. We compare our life with the lives of our friends, our family, and even strangers and then we think about why they failed. It does not end here. After all of this, we make a decision that if they failed, we will too. Despite trying, I fail to see a connection between their failures and our lives.
I think our decisions and failures help us become an individual—an individual who knows where they went wrong, and the reason behind it. However, one may wonder, what is the connection between failure, an individual, and chaos? It is actually very simple mathematics. All the chaos around us that we tend to ignore is the consequence of our lives. We ignore chaos so we can run away from our failures. We need to realise the fact that our ignorance blocks our way to becoming an individual.
In our world, the definition of chaos is just limited to the noise of the traffic at a crossroads or a number of people gathered at the festival. We fail to see the chaos inside us that is eating our soul. The kind of noise we hardly talk about.
Today, let us take a moment and talk about the chaos that resides inside us. The noise which is a mixture of the entities of happiness, sadness, depression, and insecurities to name a few. Our mind is a jar that holds all these noises. However, there comes a time when we need to empty the jar and refill it. Instead of doing that, we try to adjust. Adjust in situations, and try to make space.
The chaos inside us is our identity. It is the symbol of our existence, the scars of our war and the identity of our soul. It does not have any appearance but it is like the invisible shadow that follows us wherever we go. You know what is the best part of it? It takes all your pain and shields it in a jar — the one which comes in different shades, shapes, and size.
The thing we need to realise is that everything comes with a price. If our chaos takes our pain away, it will demand something in return. And that something is to empty the jar once it gets full. However, humans are so selfish that we do not believe in paying back. Why is that so? Why is it so difficult for us to pay back? Is it just because we consider our chaos as someone who collects our garbage, or is it because talking about our pain is considered a taboo in our society? We are afraid that we will be judged if we do so. Therefore we adjust and wait for the time till it explodes.
That explosion is the price we give for not paying back. That explosion is no less that a TNT bomb and its effects prevail till the time our soul gets a new jar. However, before that we are dead. Our soul screams and begs for death because we humans have defeated its purpose.
Today I see more and more people afraid to listen to chaos or to share about it. If I, as an individual, want to share, I do not find any way of release. I have tried and I failed.
What I do, is that I go for a long drive when the world is sleeping and the lanes are empty. I keep on driving till I am sure that there are no cowards around and then I scream. All I do is scream and scream till all the chaos is lost in the form of noise in nature. I cry and then very next morning I again go back to the flawed world and live a life of a flawed man.
Let us all take some time out from our lives and realise the beauty of all the chaos around and inside us, express it. Then I can bet that your life will be beautiful. At times, just sit with yourself to love yourself a little more. Go for a walk with your headphones on and smile like there is no tomorrow. Do things that you want. Let chaos be a part of you. Do not oppose it. Live life a little more.
To read more by the author of What Does Chaos Look Like?, click here.