Those Entitled Indian Men: Damaged Beyond Repair has been edited by Abha Mehra.
Men in our country have been brought up with the notion that they are superior to women in all aspects. Since the time they were little boys, it is enforced into their heads that women are weak and to be dominated. A woman’s place is in the kitchen. It is her obligation to sleep with them. To satisfy their ego for the hundred and twenty seconds they are on top of her unresponsive body. It doesn’t matter if she wants to or not. She has to. Her legs are open and that is enough. Her heart does not matter.
If you decide to ask her out and she says ‘no’, it crushes your ego and that, is unacceptable. You are the alpha male, in this patriarchal society. Perhaps, that is why it is okay to not care if she wants you or not. So what do you do? You stalk her. You are on the lookout for every move she makes. You know when she goes to college. You know where she lives. You know every restaurant she goes to regularly. She comes out of her workplace, and there you are. She wakes up, goes to her bedroom window to open the blinds, and there you are.
It’s shameful for me, as a man, when lewd comments are passed by hooligans when a woman walks by. It angers me that they feel they have the right to say whatever they want and not pay for their actions. If only I had the liberty to slap one of those. I’m no moral police because I am a nobody. I wish I could tell them to imagine me doing the same to their mothers and sisters. It wouldn’t matter. They’ve grown immune to such retorts. They will reply to my rhetorical question. they’ll say ‘Maa behen toh hai lekin uske jaisi nahi hai‘. These, are statements, that make me sick.
Recently it was in the news that in the state of Uttar Pradesh, girls’ phone numbers were up for sale. On further inquiry, it was found that numbers along with details like a woman’s address, her photograph etc. were all up for sale. Quite in demand if I may add. Let that sink in for a while. What an innovative idea for a side business- sell sim cards and mobile phones during the day and sell contact details of women in the night for the extra buck.
As long as we are on the subject of Indian men and our ‘quirks’, how can we forget our great attributes like domestic violence and honour killings and acid attacks?
If you do a quick Google search, Wikipedia puts in front of you a harrowing statement: The 2012 National Crime Records Bureau report of India states a reported crime rate of 46 per 100,000, rape rate of 2 per 100,000, dowry homicide rate of 0.7 per 100,000 and the rate of domestic cruelty by husband or his relatives as 5.9 per 100,000. When you look at this statement, you might think that 2 women out of 100,000 are nothing. It’s bound to happen.
However, these are only the crimes that are reported. What goes on behind closed doors and shut curtains, often is forgotten the next morning. Not because of guilt on part of the aggressor, but because of fear on part of the victim. She knows the neighbours heard, her own kid could do nothing to stop his drunk father, yet she still makes him tiffin for office. Washes his clothes. Sleeps in the same bed as him.
I’m sure there are men who wish nothing best for women in our country. Who genuinely would fight for the honour of a woman even if they don’t know her. Who would drop her at her doorstep, wish her goodnight and walk away? To all of those men, I’d say thank you. You’re doing your part. To the other sect, I just have a few questions for you: How long before you finally decide to change? How long before you stop being cheap and start being real men? How long before you stop blaming it on the ‘male ego’? How long before you decide to stop plotting a scheme for payback and revenge on her?
How bloody long will it take for you to realise that she does not want you?
To finish this off, these words sum up the state of women not just in our country, but across the world:
‘Women have to work much harder to make it in this world. It really pisses me off that women don’t get the same opportunities as men do or money for that matter. Because let us face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define our values and to define what’s sexy and what’s feminine and that’s bullshit. At the end of the day, it’s not about equal rights, it’s about how we think. We have to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves.‘
To read more by the author of Those Entitled Indian Men: Damaged Beyond Repair click here.