Cruising through the deepest seas, my heart never knew how to drown.
I was not its first voyage, it was not going to be the last. The untested depths of the ocean teased me every second, flaunting what authority they held over me.
Standing by the deck, a shiver ran through me, the prospect of being taken over by the waves, filled me with terror. An uncanny resemblance with the thought of losing you.
And in a moment of realization, it became clear, that we were just a journey and you were the captain, deciding to end us anytime.
I held on to you like a life jacket, unaware that you were the flaw in my drowning ship.
Now when you decided to leave, unannounced, you expected me to capsize and I prepared to drown.
It was only when I hit bottom, an agitation coursed through me.
“You have survived shipwrecks before, you fool!
You have outdone your death at once.
Surrendering to your collapse will not set you free.
Fighting for your lost life will.”
Then, as the sun gleamed on the water above me, I fought and then some more, swimming with all strength I had, to the surface of ocean that held my own misery.
Coming out of the endless water of my insecurities, I became the captain of my ship again.