Over Attached has been edited by Rushi Bhimani.
We don’t pick who we fall in love with, and it never happens the way it should.
The line above pretty much sums up everything I’m going to rant on further. Do you have this person around you, who you love more than anything? Would do anything to bring a smile on his/her face? But how often it happens that you end up hurting yourself bad, because they don’t feel the same? They must, mustn’t they? I mean you did a lot for them, it is completely explainable to feel upset when they don’t. They must be able to meet at-least your basic expectations, after all you went par ahead fulfilling their every wish. So if you think in this particular way, let me stop you there my friend, they don’t owe you anything.
It’s very clichéd, I know. Further below I’m going to bore you with some more clichés. So if you’re already exhausted, or if you think of yourself as the essential cynic, then, well keep that part of yours aside for a while and read on.
Often in our lives, when we see someone, meet them or maybe not, we feel this sudden intense desire to know them, to talk to them. To know them more, become friends and much more. I hope you get it. And it’s usual, it’s common. Some personalities do attract and influence certain people in a particular way, to the extent that one keeps constantly thinking about them.
Now, thinking is not the devil here, but it transforms into a bigger demon when it crosses the barrier. I believe that, there is a dark line between liking someone and being obsessed with them, which alas becomes invisible as soon as the infatuation kicks in your system. Infatuation is not a bad thing. Its the way the people handle it, that makes it painstakingly harmful.
You cannot help it, you cannot shut yourselves up, you cannot shut your minds off. On the contrary, you find yourselves clinging to the thoughts of them. You fantasize about both of you, think over the possibilities, scenarios where you are rejoicing in their company, probably around a bridge or a sea. Or some stupid place you’ve built inside your mind. Every small detail gets imprinted on your tiny quixotic brain, and your mind starts finding ways to pop up glimpses of them in your head.
Every normal incidence or the next person you see, suddenly becomes ‘SO RELATABLE’. They make you plunge into the pool of your memories, diving around to fetch the infinitesimal relevance with them. However illogically you cling to it, as soon as it comes in sight, you are suffocating under the water, breathing superflously.
Now, again, I’m not saying that you must not do that, or you do not have a right to be strongly indulged into such feelings. Even if the other person doesn’t know you exist, or even if they do, that’s your choice to make. But all I can tell is, “You do not want to hurt yourself more in such dreams”. If it were me, I’d rather prefer not to be labelled as a crazy admirer (or stalker, if you’re not so attractive). It’s completely up to you to decide whether you want to carry your heart in your sleeves or to let it jump out of your system, light a cigarette and follow you around, chain-smoking.
But if you care about your heart, want it to be healthier, STOP. Stop picturing yourself with them, stop dreaming about the possibilities of their responses, and entertain yourself. Stop worrying, that you’re not worthy enough or brave enough to walk up to them and confess.
What else could possibly go wrong, that would worsen the situation than it already is? You might die? But you’re already dying, day by day. Living in alternate reality and believing things that never happen, letting them consume you from within! “GO OUT”, “SPEAK”,”BURST” and say whatever the hell you’re feeling, its enough already.
It will make you feel lighter, liberated and eventually you learn to tackle similar situations, not hurting yourself more than you already did. They might not accept it, they might not feel the same about you, they might not. You’ll never know unless you tell them how you feel. “How would they react?”, you ask. Probably they would feel a little weird, a bit shocked, (pfft, if you’re exceptionally lucky: confess their feelings too) and maybe, somewhat worried but for what it’s worth, you would not.
You still might be thinking, how the hell in god’s earth does this solve your issue. How would this make you a stronger person, who doesn’t fall for anyone again later. It won’t. You don’t have to be strong. Or more aptly, there is nothing wrong in falling for someone(until you live inside the boundaries). Infatuations happen and they wear off, it’s completely normal (so you can stop pretending to be brokenhearted every time they pass by). In due course, you still long for the story (man, you’re hopelessly romantic). And if you still don’t have enough to start the first line, maybe it isn’t the line. Maybe it isn’t supposed to be a story, or maybe it isn’t “THE ONE” (Or maybe you’re just meant to sit back, scroll and whine).
And I’d end with one of my favorite ‘friend sayings’:
You either say what you feel and fuck it up, or you just sit back and let it fuck you up instead.
The choice is yours.
-A fellow ex-dreamer
To read more by the author of Over Attached, click here.