Words and Voices: Why she believes that nothing lasts forever

Words and Voices: Why she believes that nothing lasts forever

Why She Believes That Nothing Lasts Forever

By Kanchan Balani

She was 7 when it happened first.

The slamming of door.
The shattering of glass.
Muffled screams.
And broken dreams.

She sits up in her bed,
walks up to the door.
The yelling gets intense.
She hovers over the shattered remains
as the pain slowly reaches her veins.

She runs back to her room,
rolls up into a ball on her bed,
trying to get their shouting out of her head.
This was one of the many firsts.

The weather at her home kept getting accursed.
The house no longer felt like a home.
More like a body with broken bones.

In her English class, when the teacher asked the students to write what they want in life,
the 12-year-old scribbled, “A happy family.”

“I’ll be a good child. I’ll finish all my homework. I won’t ask for more toys. Or more chocolates. Oh god! please make it right,” the little one prayed.
Her prayers remained unanswered.

On days when it would rain,
with a scar on her heart, she would run as fast as she can until she couldn’t hear their screams anymore.
But, the rain wouldn’t wash away her pain.

Couldn’t they see what they were doing to her?
Couldn’t they see the hurt in her eyes?
Or the pain in her voice?
One after another, she jumped into relationships
knowing that they were nothing but sinking ships.

“Nothing lasts forever,” she told herself.

She didn’t let anyone get close to her.
She didn’t let love get close to her.
Because she had seen how that mother-fucking beast had destroyed her family.

She bolted the doors of her heart so tight.
Oh boy! That was such an ugly sight.

With each passing year, she turned into a ghost of herself.
She was no more the person in the family picture sitting on that shelf.

Anxiety was her new best friend.
Looked like her sorrow would just never end.
She would put up a brave face every time outside
but she felt an avalanche of emotions breaking her insides.

On certain days, she wouldn’t talk to anyone.
Her legs would start to shudder.
Her head would start to hurt.
Her head would hurt so bad that every vein in her body would scream for help.
Blessed are those to have a family who loves them unconditionally, she thought to herself.
Those with normal lives.
Normal beautiful lives.

Those who don’t even realize how lucky they are!
Maybe the fairy forgot to point the magic wand at her.
Or maybe she was the unlucky one.

Broken child.
Broken family.
Broken home.
Broken love.
Broken life.

This is the story of a now 24-year-old who believes that nothing lasts forever.