by Rajul Jagdish
11:32 PM – You miss someone who no longer thinks about you. You don’t cry, but the hole in your heart might ache for a little longer.
11:45 PM – You call him up and tell him that you miss him and that you can’t live without him. He breathes a fresh and tells you that you have to. “Move on,” he says.
12:07 AM – You look around, aimlessly. You get up and begin to pace around hoping you could get past thinking about him. It isn’t easy that way. Is it? So you try breathing right. That doesn’t work either.
12:13 AM – You pull your blanket over your head and force yourself to sleep. You can’t and you don’t get that, you just can’t put yourself to sleep.
12:33 AM – You put on some music to stop thinking about everything you’ve been thinking. Songs do you the favour by thinking for you.
12:57 AM – You lift your phone and it seems strangely heavy. Maybe because it is holding all the weight of your memories. You end up reading all the old conversations and looking at every image on your phone.
1:19 AM – You wish you had not been in all those messages, all those pictures. Anywhere else in the world doing anything, but here. You hit ‘delete’ for every conversation ever happened and every image you have of the two of you. You smile and you feel better. As if your brain wouldn’t remember any of it any longer.
2:14 AM – You put your phone on silent and you look at the wall clock. The songs still play in the background. You light a cigarette and breathe. You let the rings in the air and just when you think his memory would return, you breathe the smoke and cough it out.
2:51 AM – ‘Focus,’ you tell yourself. ‘You need to sleep. You can’t go on like this,’ you say to yourself and walk up to the kitchen to drink water.
3:06 AM – He takes the liberty to text you. “I am sorry. I was rude.” And as if a reflex or your instinct does it, you text him back, “Fuck you!”
About Rajul Jagdish
A psychology student with a literary heart. I sing and write and breathe. Also, I’m a good listener. To find me, tweet or send a snap at @rjmist.