I’m Going to Die Alone – The Logical Rationale

I’m Going to Die Alone – The Logical Rationale

I’m Going to Die Alone – The Logical Rationale has been edited by Aashna Kanuga.

I’m going to die alone.”

We have all felt this way and said it out loud, at least once in our lives. You know what I mean, the whole feeling of being unloved, unwanted. Dispensable almost. Then, however, for good or for bad, movies or books get in the way and they comfort us. Even if it’s just for a second. They show us the light at the end of the tunnel. They make us believe in words like ‘hope’ and ‘faith’.

The Internet tells you that your soulmate is out there and one day, after crossing all hurdles, you are going to end up together and it is going to be magical. Then you have your TV shows. They make you believe that the Rachel to your Ross is out there. Maybe she didn’t get on the plane after all. Your perfect kiss by the setting sun at the beach is going to happen. Optimism, I tell you. Make believe and temporary solace or absolute bullshit? Well that is a topic for another day.

Let’s get real here for a minute and think this through.

We’re not going to have this.

You and me. We’re not going to have this. This is not happening to us. We’re going to wake up, go to work grudgingly and come back after a horrible day and go to bed. The next day? Same old story. Why am I suddenly all ‘dark and twisty’? Persist with me and maybe you’ll know.

We’re hypocrites. It’s expected and acceptable if I need my space, but I HAVE TO know which guy is texting her. Her going out to a movie or dinner with another guy? No. We are going out drinking and are still on Tinder (secretly of course), and that is okay! It’s just about keeping my ‘options open’, right?.

One minute we are coming together after but the minute after we are done, we start fighting again over random, irrelevant things.
Some might say make-up sex or hate sex is great. I think we still have enough sanity left in us, that we can talk our problems out. It would be a lot better than giving each other sleepless nights, the fights and sleeping on the couch after one of you has taken up the bed and locked the door.

We are not content with what we have. Keeping your options open is great. We should all do it. However, not at the cost of jeopardizing what we already have. We go hunting, while neglecting and not loving someone who might actually be in it for the long term. The result? Us ending up at the door while they load their stuff into the car. To add to it, we give futile justifications like “It’s basic human tendency to try and get a partner who compliments us! Who it feels right with”. As if we could get more lame than that. Be happy and be content.

Carpe fucking Diem.

Do not settle. I repeat—Never settle. However at the same time, respect what you have. Respect the other individual for who they are and what they stand for. Their virtues. Their stories. It’s not always about you!

Sure, we both like Pizza, Pink Floyd and beer. But if all we have in common is the little stuff, the relationship is going to be stunted. One of us does go out of the way and makes an effort. The reward for it? “You did something new?” followed up by a disappointing and seemingly disinterested session between the sheets. We don’t agree on things like family, faith and finances. Even when it’s okay to end things amicably so that you we both find people who have similar priorities, we don’t. We remain unhappy.

To be honest, we haven’t been happy for a very long time. Sure every relationship has its ups and downs. But we can’t be bothered to remember the last time either of us laughed or had a great time together. Are we staying because I want to? No. we’re staying because we don’t have anywhere else to go.

We’re afraid. That’s what it ultimately comes down to. We’re afraid to open up. Afraid to have those difficult but necessary conversations. We’re afraid to let go of the past and step into the future. To get our hearts broken. We’re afraid of making an effort. We have unrealistic expectations, but also don’t want to make an effort if the other person expects something back.

Truth is, we are scared of commitment. Measures taken to combat the stigma attached to this word aren’t exactly supported by our surroundings. Sure Tinder encourages us to engage in one-night stands and the pursuit of a “no-strings attached” relationship filled with emotionless and frivolous sex. It’s the cool thing to do.

Some people may be happy living life with no commitments and no relationships. Absolutely. This may be someone’s choice and might be working for you. To them I say, kudos. Nonetheless, I’m convinced those one night hook-ups are just temporary fixes. If anyone can truly be content with that lifestyle, I don’t know. Maybe you’re happy now, but every time the stranger in the bed changes, will you be less and less satisfied until you eventually realize how soulless and disassociated from humanity you have become. In regards to life changes, we often hear people say, “I’m stuck in a rut”.  What does that even mean? Einstein describes insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.” That comes close if you ask me.

So maybe, for a change, instead of complaining about being stuck, do something about it.

Make a change.

Take that step forward.

Or else, you’re going to die alone and you would die knowing you could do something about it but never did.

And that, my friend, is on nobody else’ conscience, but yours.

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Sanchit Verma

Live my life with one motto: if an opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.