Death. What a scary word! Even scarier when it is someone we love that dies. I have never experienced the death of a loved one firsthand, so I can possibly only imagine the pain. The pain, the anger, the misery that follows is ineffable.
The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.
Even when this loss occurs, one should not let grief blind the love that they have for the person. We should honour them, write a beautiful eulogy and try to be happy even in their absence. The person that we have lost would want us to not keep sulking forever.
Elisabeth Kübler very rightly said, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and rebuild yourselves around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”
Acceptance of such a difficult loss is not and should not be undemanding. Being deprived of the love of such a significant person will call for a lot of time to overcome. A person who loses a spouse, sibling, best friend or parent will obviously deny the fact that they are gone. The emptiness, loneliness and shock make us dejected and vulnerable. But to lessen the pain, we can share it and take support from people who have lost that person too. We can talk about that person, relive memories and lighten up our hearts. Sometimes, the grief might consume us and we will not be able to continue on with our lives. It may be a long time before we get out of this phase of rage and depression.
However, only after this phase can we actually accept the death of a loved one and that we cannot do anything about it. We can finally move on with our lives. Moving on does not mean that we will forget them or get over the pain. It simply means that we want to continue to live, for life is a beautiful gift.
The death of a loved one affects us in the deepest manner. We break apart, and then join ourselves back together. We literally become a different person.