Being Treated like a Doormat has been edited by Rushi Bhimani
Do you ever feel like you’ve been overlooked and unappreciated? Do you ever feel as if you play second fiddle to a friend, sibling or someone else? If so, then ‘Being Treated like a Doormat’ is for you.
The feeling of being unappreciated settles in partly because of the nature of our personality. You might be a very observant person; one of those who make a genuine effort to understand other’s feelings. Always trying to make sure, that people feel appreciated because you know what it is like to feel underappreciated.
I think you’d agree, that very often we feel that people take no notice of the little things we do to make sure they are happy. At times, even if it jeopardizes our own happiness. The desire to go out of our way to accommodate others is so strong that we give. Kind of sucks as it does make us feel like we’re playing second fiddle to those who we put first. I bet, many probably take no notice of the things we do, and we would actually like to keep it that way. We like being able to know that we can make other people happy. Thus, it is no surprise that people have come to the realize how absolutely fine you are with being the supporting actor in the film of your own life. Ironic, eh?
If you’ve ever felt this way, then I’m going to give you the answer as to why does this happen to you.
It’s really simple: It’s you. It’s your fault.
Harsh? I know. The truth? We all know it is.
It’s your fault because those around you don’t seem to be showing you their gratification for things you are doing for them. Nevertheless, you keep trying to please everyone. Eventually you may find that you start becoming unhappy with yourself because you don’t seem to be doing things for you, only for other people. This has an adverse effect because it causes you to feel unappreciated, as whilst you are giving your all to everyone, sometimes others just aren’t the same as you. They do not feel the need to reciprocate.
Feeling like nobody gives a damn. Feeling taken for granted. Postponing your work for others. All this is too realistic for you.
But…why do you do that?
Yes, being nice to others is a good thing, but maybe you’re forgetting to be nice to yourself. Maybe you are too nice or too naïve. Maybe in your attempts to be nice, you’ve crossed the line and let your urge to please others take over. Sometimes, if we are too nice to others, we start expecting unreasonable amount of ‘niceness’ from others too. Everyone may not be as compassionate as you; they do not need to be.
I have come to realize, we end up hurt because we think that if we’re nice, people are going to be nice too. But why? No one asked us to be overly generous, overly nice, overly affectionate. This might make us think that others are taking us for granted. But the truth is, they probably are not. It is time to make the recipe right by not mixing too much deference for others and enough hard headed pursuit for your own life.
Just be yourself. Love yourself, and the right people will love you the way you are.
Now that you know the problem and can relate to it, that’s not the end of it. It’s merely the beginning.
There are always solutions to stop being a doormat and to start being your own person. The first and of utmost importance is to start with yourself. If someone else is devaluing you there’s a good chance that you’re doing the same thing. Do not give them the power to do so, and stop doing it yourself as well. Change starts with you dialing up your self-worth.
One of the best things I heard from TV’s Dr Phil was “You teach people how to treat you“. That’s bang on. Your response to someone’s behavior teaches them what is and what isn’t acceptable. It’s kind of like laying the groundwork or the ground rules to avoid getting hurt in the process.
If you’re used to people walking all over you, it’s likely that you’re not used to asserting yourself. Sometimes we might even feel like we’re powerless. Although, I guarantee you that we have the natural confidence and that inherent ability that can be applied to start effecting change.
You don’t need to “keep on keeping on”, and you don’t need to put up with being treated like a doormat.
You deserve better.
Start loving yourself, and rest will fall in place. It has to.
To read more by the author of Being Treated like a Doormat, click here.