Aziz Ansari And The Fault In Our Women

Aziz Ansari And The Fault In Our Women

If you had a well-functioning internet connection for the past two days, you’d have undoubtedly come across an almost pornographic description of a move gone seriously wrong; also known as I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life.

I will sum up the extremely detailed 3000 words article published on Babe in a few lines:

Grace (not her real name), a 22-year-old young, tipsy lady (who had a date) approached Aziz at the 2017 Emmy Awards after-party and was brushed off. Later the two bonded over using a same kind of camera at the event. They exchanged numbers, had a flirtatious banter over text for a week and went on a date. Arriving at his TriBeCa apartment—Grace was “excited,” having carefully chosen her outfit after consulting with friends (of course)—they exchanged small talk and drank wine. The article in Grace’s words says, “It was white, I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine.” (well, first world problems)

Mr Ansari rushed through the dinner and following that was a hurried attempt at hookup on his kitchen counter. The actor then undressed himself and Grace. When she resisted, he withdrew to foreplay. Time and again, when she asked, he stopped. However, he tried to have sex over a long period of time.  Throughout this date Grace was never quoted uttering the word ‘no’ or ‘walking out’ except what she called were ‘nonverbal cues’. After complying and indulging (uncomfortably, yes) she left when a cab was called for her. It was when she got to the car she realised she had been “violated.” In her words, she cried and told her roommate everything. Later she texted Aziz.

I read and re-read the accusation twice. Two things became clear to me, as someone who is around the same age, that let us not forget that Grace was under no pressure, professional or otherwise to continue her date. Second, this lousy date (which is clearly what it was, but hey you are dealing with a Golden Globe winner, spice it up) came to an end after a verbal cue. It is clear that the young woman dreamt the date to lead into a romantic encounter with a celebrity. She might have even dreamt of becoming the star-studded comedian’s girlfriend. Here’s a little piece of advice for the likes of Graces everywhere, 33-year-old men do not go on a date with 22-year-old girls for a nice conversation. They are probably doing that for a hookup. While a stern no might have choked up in the back of her tongue, she did have the choice to leave if the entire idea of sex made her uncomfortable, or she was hell-bent against it.

I do believe that The Harvey Weinstein scandal sparked a legitimate awakening about the sexual violence that women are subjected to. Particularly in their professional lives, where some men abuse their power. That was necessary. The #MeToo movement was necessary. But what is not necessary is to turn these supposed liberated voices on its head. I, for one, want my man to seduce me fearlessly. If I am hanging naked with him, he will want to have sex. He does not have to stay back expressing his sexual desires simply because he cannot predict my reaction. And if he does end up pressuring me into something I don’t want to do, I will utter a two lettered word, stand up on my two legs, and walk out of the door.

Grace had a terrible experience with Aziz. I am sorry for her. But as a sexually active woman in the 21st century, you need to understand what is, “bad sex”. And that, “Regret is not assault”. Especially, if you are not forced into someone’s apartments.

What really saddens me is that media houses like have resorted to cheap, sensational news against famous men. Would we have reacted the same way if the tables were turned and if we had a female celebrity conducting herself this way with a man of this age?

They need to understand the difference between exposing sexual misconduct and revealing how people handle their sex lives. Mixing the two is only going to hurt the #MeToo movement; that is the last thing women in Hollywood and everywhere else can afford. Sketchy reports like these really make me wonder, where does their journalistic credibility lie?

While your opinion might differ from mine, just give this a thought that it is a same aged, less privileged woman who finds it absurd. No excuses, none needed. No one can discount his behaviour, but can we discount the sheer mudslinging and uncalled for aftermath?

Disclaimer: The views expressed in Aziz Ansari And The Fault In Our Women solely belong to the author and do not reflect those of Lutalica.

Nidhi Shah

Has a tender spot in her heart for The 1975 and fairy lights and puffcorns. 10x cooler on her Instagram handle @nidhlet.