A Writer’s Journey Towards Conquering Depression has been edited by Rushi Bhimani.
We have always associated expression with every form of art. Whether it is writing on a piece of paper, a painting, a dance or any form of music. We have managed to convey our expressions through them. When an artist makes his masterpiece, it is the portrayal of his expression, his possible attempt towards conquering depression that he might face. The work of an artist is a form of art for the world, but for him, it is something that illustrates his deepest emotions which he might not have been able to express freely otherwise.
There are people who can just express verbally and exude all their feelings, easily. On the other hand, there are people like me who fail to express their emotions. I fail to express the feelings of love. I fail to express the amount of rage and anger that I conceal. As a result, all these emotions started to accumulate at one place in my mind. Science suggests that such accumulation leads to frustration.
Expressions are just like a cigarette—the moment you consume them, they will consume you from inside. Frustration is the after effect of smoking. When you are trying to quit, it hampers your emotional senses to a level that you suffer from a breakdown. I experienced a feeling very similar to that. I disconnected myself from the world for days. That was the time I held a pen and started putting my feelings into words. It was the beginning of my journey as a writer or, more appropriately, as ‘The boy who wrote his tears’.
I did not stop writing. I kept on writing till my hands bled. The paper was flooding with emotions—those of love, anger, loneliness, rage and betrayal. I felt better, I was coming back to life once again. My alter ego asked me, “How can be you so happy without shedding any tears?” I just replied, “They say boys do not cry so I wrote my tears.” Those write-ups were honest and somewhere, the reflection of my soul. It was my first step towards the journey of knowing myself.
The words that helped me in reducing depression were nothing but my emotions. The question is, did this exercise help me in conquering depression? Indeed it did. It is all a mind game. Our mind is nothing but a processor. Whatever input we give, it creates an output accordingly. What I did was give the input of expression, the output to which was diminishing depression.
A study by Stucky and Nobel confirms the notion of expression being able to beat depression. It says, “Dozens of replications of have demonstrated that emotional writing can influence the frequency of physician visits, immune function, stress hormones, blood pressure, and a number of social, academic, and cognitive variables. These effects have been shown to hold across cultures, age groups, and diverse samples.”
I am no psychologist. Nor am I a doctor. I am just a normal person like you who just sucks at expressing verbally. Thousands of thoughts run through my mind, and I wished to express them all. The wish was to preach philosophy just like any other person. However, all of these things became possible when I began to express. All the dreams I had in mind were now close to realisation. It happened only after I started writing.
Sometimes, I wonder, what if I would not have started writing? What if I would have agreed to make peace with my depression? Probably, I would have died. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.
My depression helped me realise the importance of self-love. It taught me that you cannot really expect anyone to love you if you do not do it yourself. And trust me, once you start expressing, you will feel the positive vibes around you. These vibes will be the lights that guide you home. The vibes that will help you to discover that ‘I’ which you never knew you had.
Coming back to expressions, they take you on the roller-coaster ride. The kind of ride which is bumpy, yet, eventually you feel was worth taking. So people who are reading this post, it may seem difficult, but make that leap of faith towards expression and I assure you, it won’t let you down!
To read more by the author of A Writer’s Journey Towards Conquering Depression, click here.