A Date With Solitude: Part 1 has been edited by Rushi Bhimani.
The kind of love where you destroy yourself in order to love yourself better.
At some stage in our lives, all of us feel the need for solitude. I am no different. However, due to my work schedule, I get no time to spend with myself. But there finally came a day when I could leave my office early. I planned to spend that time with myself. A date with solitude.
Now, I generally get my salary at the end of the month. But I was lucky this time. My boss loved my work, so I got a bonus. The best part was, however, that I got my salary on the 15th of March. So, I got to planning my date. I was planning to watch the movie Trapped—because parallel cinema intrigues me—then have dinner, go for a drive, and sit at the riverfront with my laptop. I could not wait.
17th March 2017
I have never really cared about how I look or what I am wearing. For me, my dressing does not change with the occasion. I wear the same clothes to a party, to the office or to a social event. However, today I felt a strong urge to wear something else, apart from those shirts I wore every day.
In the back of my wardrobe, I found the black kurta I used to wear in college. I came across that FabIndia bag that I never used. My diary, full of my thoughts and philosophies, lay dust-covered in a corner. How ungrateful I had become to my passion! The fountain pen in my diary reminded me of her. The one I thought I would marry some day.
My phone was switched off. As I walked towards my car, I realised how normal I felt. How relieved. No pressure to reach on time. The movie started in an hour, so I decided to take the longest route to PVR.
It was peak traffic time. I was waiting at the traffic signal, dancing on my unique mix of cheap item songs, when I noticed two girls in the car next to me. They were pointing and laughing. I did not care. I waved at them and drove off, only subconsciously noticing how pretty they were.
For the first time in years, I reached the theatre on time. I treated myself to one of those recliner seats and was thinking about what I would eat.
Eventually, I bought myself a few samosas and a huge Chicago slice pizza. It felt a little weird seeing people come with their friends, partners, or families. Next to me sat a group of four girls and two boys. They were looking at me, trying to figure out why I was alone.
As soon as the movie started, the theatre went silent. Also, being my usual creepy self, I was sitting in my recliner, having my chicken and ham slice, smiling at a couple making out in front of me. I realised how people would have judged me when I used to do that during college. After a while, I was completely engrossed in the movie. At some point in time, I realised that I was screaming at the screen, “Bro, darwaaze par aag laga.” The girl next to me shouted, “Dude! That way his entire house will catch fire.”
The movie ended on a good note and it made me realise how one needs to be self-reliant. Most of all, it taught me individuality and perseverance. In those 103 minutes, I made four friends and they asked me if I would like to join them for dinner. But I refused, promising to meet them some other time. I had other plans.
Because I was not hungry, I decided to go to the one place where I could find some solace. I drove myself to SP ring road, to that place, my place, from where I could see the entire city. I took out my diary and opened a random page. As soon as I saw what it was, I burst into tears.
to be continued…
To find out what the diary said, stay tuned for the next part of A Date With Solitude.
To read more by the author of A Date With Solitude, click here.